Sidelined
by Andrea O'Down
Summary: After getting badly hurt in a fight, Raph has to face some weeks of being put out of action. Not being able to stand by his brothers during fights, he starts questioning his role as protector of the family. And what the heck should he do with all this free time at his hands?
1. Misfortune

**Chapter 01: Misfortune**

Raphael knew a few things about fights. They were all different, each and every one of them, but roughly, they could be separated into three groups. There were the ones where everything went according to plan, the smooth ones. Then there were the ones that made them struggle a bit because something unexpected popped up, the struggling ones. And then there were the ones where absolutely anything went totally, one-hundred-fifty percent wrong, where they were lucky to get out of there alive and – mostly – in one piece. He called these the catastrophic ones.

And today's fight was one of those.

"Casey, look out!" Raph cried out as he rushed over to his friend when parts of the warehouse-ceiling came crumbling down, some rocks large enough to flatten them, after the Kraang had hit the ceiling with their new plasma-canon.

"Wh…," was all Casey managed to say before Raph tackled him out of the danger zone as far as possible, dragging him to the ground. The next second Raph was over him, shielding him with his body.

Raph felt small pieces of debris hitting his shell, the thudding noise they made ringing in his ears.

But then there was this sudden pang in his left leg, so strong and unexpected, it cut off his breath, turning his vision red with pain. He would have cried out if he had left any air left in his lungs.

But then there was only silence – and darkness.

* * *

"Owwwww," Raph moaned as he finally gained consciousness again.

His eyelids felt like they weighed tons, but he tried to crack his eyes open with all his strength as he moved one hand to his aching temples. "What hit me?"

And then he felt it, the dull, pulsating pain in his left foot. Heck, it felt like there was a second heart pounding down there, except every beat hurt more and more.

"A warehouse-ceiling," came the reply from Donnie. "Well, a part of it. And it didn't hit all of you, just your left foot."

Raph finally managed to open his eyes and looked around. He was in Donnie's lab, lying on the cot. He tried to move, but hissed as this made a rush of pain shooting through his left foot.

"Don't move!" Donnie protested.

"A little late for that!" Raph replied, but obeyed and kept still.

Donnie looked at him sympathetically. "You need any more painkillers?"

"Heck, yes!"

Donnie walked away for a moment to fill a syringe. When he gave him the shot, Raph didn't even flinch, a sign how bad he must be feeling. He usually protested, going on about how much he hated needles for hours after he got a shot, but this time, the little pain the needle made as it pierced his upper arm felt rather welcome compared to the pain in his foot.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"You're welcome."

Raph just lay there for a few moments, feeling how the pain in his left foot ceased a bit, before some flashbacks of this night's events came back to him.

"Casey!" he burst out as his eyes shot wide open and he tried to get up again.

"Easy there, Raph!" Donnie said, placing his hands on Raph's shoulders and pushing him down again. "I said, no moving! Or the next shot you'll get will be some tranquilizer!"

"But…," Raph protested, but gave up on struggling rather quickly because it made the pain that had just reached a bearable level flare up again.

"Casey is fine!" Donnie assured him. "He's in the living room. I had to kick him out of here because he kept getting in my way when I tried to look at you."

Raph sighed. "What exactly happened?"

"You prevented Casey from getting flattened. Again. But you were a little unlucky this time. One bigger piece of debris hit your left foot quite badly. It took Leo some time to get it off of you, and then we brought you back to the lair. Turned out your left ankle is broken, but it could be worse. Regarding to the size of that rock, it's a miracle that it just broke your ankle and didn't crush your foot completely. So you still were quite lucky under the circumstances."

Raph twisted his mouth. "I would leap for joy if it wasn't for my luckily broken ankle."

Donnie acted as if he hadn't heard, and another moment of silence passed.

"How long till I'm back on both my feet?" Raph asked.

"Depends on the healing process, but approximately six to eight weeks."

"WHAT!?"

But before Raph could say anymore, the door of the lab was cautiously opened.

"Sorry, Donnie, I know you said I should stay out of here, until you come to get me, but I think I heard Raph's voice."

Raph and Donnie looked over to the door where an anxious looking Casey had popped his head in.

Raph wondered what could have caused Casey to act this…un-Casey, but then he remembered that Donnie had mentioned that he had had to kick him out of the lab. And knowing Donnie and his short temper when it came to people keeping him from doing his work, he guessed that the kicking-out had been meant literally.

"Yes, Casey, Raph's awake," Donnie said. "You can come in now."

"O-okay," Casey said as he entered, but he kept eyeing Donnie suspiciously, and when Donnie went over to the door to leave Raph and Casey alone for a moment, Casey flinched a little when Donnie walked past him.

When he had left and Casey had safely reached the cot, Raph could hear his friend let out a little sigh of relief.

But then Casey looked down at him and his forehead wrinkled with concern.

"How ya doin', man?" he asked.

"Well, I was told that I was lucky to only break my ankle and not totally smash my foot," Raph replied, "but aside from that, not so good. I feel like I was hit by a bus, no, hit by the entire fleet of buses in New York."

Casey bit his bottom lip. "I'm sorry, man."

Raph blinked in confusion. "_You're_ sorry? What for? It wasn't your fault. It was the Kraang who made half the ceiling come down."

"But if I hadn't stood in the way, you'd be fine!"

"You weren't standing in the way, Casey, you were in the middle of a fight. Could have happened to any of us."

Casey lowered his eyes to the floor, pressing his lips into a thin line.

"Besides, I have rescued you from getting flattened before. Where comes all this guilt from all of a sudden?" Raph continued.

"Well, it's a total different thing if you rescue me without getting hurt or you nearly get killed."

"I'm fine, Casey," Raph said which made Casey look at him again with a raised brow. "Well, the greater part of me is. And the rest will be soon. So, everything's okay." He mustered Casey, looking for any bruises, but couldn't find any. "You okay?"

Casey nodded. "Thanks to you."

"Well, then I'd say we're good now, right?" He held up his hand for Casey, but his friend hesitated a little before he took it. And his handshake missed the usual force, like he was afraid to hurt Raph. This made Raph a little angry. He was injured, not suddenly turned into porcelain! So he squeezed Casey's hand rather firmly, making him flinch. Seeing how Casey bit down his tongue to not yelp in pain, reconciled Raph with the fact that his friend was treating him as if he wasn't the rough guy he used to know, but some wimpy little brat.

When Raph let go, Casey quickly pulled back his hand.

"Okay, man, I better let you rest now, before Doctor Tooth Gap gets angry again."

"See you, Casey!"

"Bye, Raph!"

When Casey was walking for the door, Raph saw how he shook his hand and moved his fingers to check if they were all still working properly.

This made Raph smirk.

_There you go!_, he thought. _I'm still Raph, the tough guy, no porcelain doll!_

But something in the way Casey had looked at him, rubbed him the wrong way. He closed his eyes.

_Six weeks…_

He sighed.

_This is going to be hard._


	2. No Crutches

**Chapter 02: No Crutches**

When Raph woke up, he rolled on his side. There was this dull pain in his left ankle, and he remembered immediately what had happened yesterday – Casey nearly getting flattened, him breaking his ankle by rescuing him, the pain, Donnie telling him that he couldn't train for at least six weeks, Donnie and Leo bringing him to his room.

He sighed. Six weeks!

He pushed away his blanket and looked down on his left ankle, which was now covered in a support splint, Donnie had made yesterday. He frowned at it, but then he looked to the side, and he set eyes on the crutches leaning on the wall next to his bed.

He pressed his mouth into a tense line, his frown getting deeper, and he glared at them.

He would so _not_ use them! Crutches were for the weak, for the old, and he was neither.

He pushed himself into a sitting position, hissing a little when he moved his left ankle. Maybe he should ask Donnie for some more painkillers.

He looked at the crutches again.

_No, just no!_

He got up, balancing on his right foot, and jumped over to the door. Once there, he allowed himself a moment to catch his breath again, leaning on the door frame for a second or so.

Then he took a deep breath and jumped down the aisle on one leg.

That was going pretty well, wasn't it? And it was a lot cooler than to walk on crutches. Crutches were just so…uncool.

He had reached the living room, slumping down on the couch. He lay back, letting his broken ankle rest on a cushion. He was breathing heavily by now. He had thought it would take him longer to lose his breath. He was a ninja, he was in great physical shape, why did jumping on one leg exhaust him that much? Was it the unusual way of motion? Or all the painkillers in his blood? Well, whatever it was, he hated it.

He closed his eyes for a moment, still breathing heavily.

"Hey, Raph, you okay?" he heard Mikey's voice and opened his eyes again to find his youngest brother look at him with concerned eyes.

"I'm fine, Mikey!" he replied, a little louder than had been necessary.

"Well, you don't look so fine," Mikey said, frowning a little. "Why are you breathing so heavily?"

"I said, I'm fine, Mikey!" Raph yelled back and sat up again. "I just need a few more painkillers."

"Should I get Donnie? He's in his lab anyway."

"No, I'm fine!"

And with that Raph started crossing the pit by jumping on his good leg again.

"What happened to your crutches?" Mikey asked.

Raph had just reached the end of the pit and was about to jump on the couch and then up to the stairs that led to Donnie's lab, but Mikey made him stop. He turned around, his eyes burning with anger.

"I DON'T NEED CRUTCHES! I'M DOING GREAT WITHOUT THEM!" he cried out before he turned back and did the jump on the couch. But he had underestimated that the couch was no floor, but soft, and he nearly toppled over.

"Raph!" Mikey cried out and ran over to him, but by the time he had reached him, Raph had gained his balance again.

"I said I'm fine!" Raph's voice was so angry that Mikey stopped mid-motion, his hands that he had held up to catch his falling brother, dropped to his sides.

"O-okay," he said, lowering his eyes under Raph's fierce glare.

For a moment, Raph felt sorry for being this angry at Mikey. It wasn't Mikey's fault that he was forced to jump on one leg; it was the Kraang's fault, and their fault alone. But he couldn't yell at them right now, and he needed to get the burning anger about his current condition out of his chest somehow. His look softened a bit, before he did the second jump and then jumped up the stairs.

* * *

Donnie was sitting at his computer when he heard the door of his lab slide open. He raised his eyes and looked to the door, and frowned a little when he found Raph standing there on one leg, leaning on the door frame and breathing heavily.

"H-hey, Donnie!" he panted. "You…got some more…painkillers for me?"

"S-sure," Donnie said.

"Good."

Donnie looked his brother over. "What happened to your crutch…?"

"I DON'T NEED CRUTCHES!"

Raph jumped over to his genius brother. Donnie quickly got up in an attempt to help Raph, but he shot him such an angry glance that Donnie rethought that. Instead, he walked behind his office chair, pointing at the now empty chair.

"W-why don't you have a seat?" he asked.

Raph just nodded, pleased with the fact that his brother's actions could be seen as just being polite instead of feeling pity for him, and he slumped down on the office chair.

"I'll now get you your painkillers," Donnie continued and went over to his medicine cabinet.

Raph watched him, leaning back a little, which made the office chair roll back on its wheels a little.

And this moment something in his brain clicked. He smirked and then rolled over to Donnie by pushing forward on his good leg.

* * *

When April arrived at the lair later that day with two pizza boxes, she found the living room empty. She wasn't sure what to do first, if she should go to Raph and ask him how he was feeling. But then she remembered something Donnie had told her on the phone earlier: _Whenever Raph is sick or hurt, don't try to treat him differently than the others. He hates that. He thinks it's a sign of pity, so under no circumstances, do anything like that! He accepts special treatment only if it is absolutely necessary. _

And that made her decide against it. And she was kind of glad that Casey wouldn't join them for their movie night today because he had training. She had realized at school how worried Casey had been, glancing at his phone every two minutes. She didn't have a chance to tell him about the no special treatment-rule because she had talked to Donnie after school, but she would let Casey know as soon as possible.

So she just positioned herself in the pit and called out for the guys.

"Guys, pizza's here!"

And pretty soon she could hear approaching footsteps – and a noise she couldn't quite name. A scratching noise, maybe? And when she set eyes on the guys, she realized what it was. While Donnie and Leo had already descended the stairs from the corridor that led to their rooms, Mikey brought up the rear behind Raph – and Raph was sitting on an office chair and rolling to the stairs.

April blinked a few times. What was that about?

When he had reached the stairs, he got up, balancing on one foot, grabbed the office chair and jumped down the stairs. Then he sat down again and rolled over to the pit.

April's eyes widened. Why didn't anyone help him? That looked pretty dangerous!

But then she realized that although the three other turtles pretended to not watch Raph, they in reality watched his every move closely from the corner of their eyes, moving a little more slowly to stay close to him or just happened to check something on their gear when it looked like Raph could topple over.

Raph on the other hand acted as if he didn't notice.

He had now reached the pit and let himself slide down on the couch.

April knew for sure she shouldn't do that, but she simply had to ask him how he was doing. It felt just as wrong if she didn't.

"How are you doing, Raph?" she asked and put on a warm smile in an attempt to make clear that she wasn't pitying him, but instead just interested in his well-being.

Raph rolled his eyes and grunted in frustration.

"I'm doing fine!" he said, the anger in his voice clearly hearable, although not as much as when he talked to his brothers. "Seriously, April, it's just a broken ankle, not a broken neck!"

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," she said, still smiling. Now, that hadn't been as bad as she had thought. She handed Mikey who slumped down next to Raph one of the pizza boxes and sat down between Donnie and Leo, holding the other pizza box. She looked over to Raph, once more, and then set eyes on the office chair again. Okay, she needed to know.

She waited until Mikey had hit play and the movie had started before she leaned over to Leo's ear, her voice barely a whisper, without really moving her lips when she spoke.

"Why is Raph rolling around on an office chair?" she asked.

"Because he refuses to walk on crutches. Crutches are uncool," Leo explained. "We didn't have the heart – or the death wish – to tell him that the office chair is even worse."

April shot a glance at Raph once more. His forehead was wrinkled, and although he was munching on his pizza, it seemed to her as if he was pressing his mouth into a hard line. His eyes were glued on the TV, and his whole posture had this "Don't talk to me! Don't touch me!"-attitude.

"Okay," she whispered back to Leo. "I think I can relate to that."

She definitely needed to talk to Casey tomorrow, to prevent the worst.


	3. Roses and Chocolates

**Chapter 03: Roses and Chocolates**

The next morning, Raph stayed as long as he could in this pleasant state between sleep and waking where anything was possible – even that this accident had just been a bad dream and his ankle wasn't broken, and everything was just fine. That he could get up any moment now and train at the dojo, or give the Kraang some good beat-down tonight. He tried really hard to not wake up completely, to stay in this state just a little longer, but the harder he tried the more he woke up, until he finally gave up. There was no use in pretending that his ankle was good again and that the accident had never happened. He could feel the dullness in his left ankle too well now, anyway.

So he opened his eyes and sat up with a sigh. He reached for his T-phone. One look at the time, and his eyes widened in shock. Ten o'clock? How could it already be ten o'clock? He never slept that long!

He had just pushed away his blanket, when his door was silently opened and Mikey peeked inside. However, when he saw that his brother was awake, he opened the door completely with a big smile.

"Now, look who's up!" he said. "Good morning, Raph!" His voice was all cheerful and friendly.

Raph on the other hand was his grumpy self.

"It's ten, Mikey!" he said angrily. "How come no one woke me up?"

And with that he tried to get up.

"Sensei said we should let you sleep," Mikey announced, all the cheerfulness suddenly gone from his voice. "Because you can't train with us and need your rest."

The last sentence had barely been a whisper, but Raph had heard nonetheless and stopped in his attempts to get up. Instead he sat down on his bed again, his carapace resting against the headboard, and folded his arms over his plastron.

"Oh, okay," he said, pressing his mouth into a hard line as he lowered his eyes, glaring angrily at the mattress – or his left ankle in the support splint. Mikey wasn't sure about this.

He bit his lip, unsure what to do now. But then he forced himself to smile again.

"I'll make you breakfast, okay?" he suggested which made Raph lift his eyes again. "How about pancakes? You love pancakes, right? Stay here. Today, it's breakfast in bed for you. Now isn't that a wonderful, wonderful way to start the day? I'll be right back!"

And with that he simply flew out of Raph's room.

Raph watched this with a deep frown, then growled. He could think of at least ten more wonderful ways to start the day – starting with beating up Mikey.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his anger, at least a little bit. Oh, he would so love to hit something! But having to sit or stand on one leg sure limited his options. So he took another deep breath which helped a teeny-tiny bit.

And then he waited.

What else could he do, anyway?

* * *

He finished his breakfast with a satisfied sigh and put the bedtable aside.

_I have to give Mikey that_, he thought. _His pancakes are delicious. Well, as long as he doesn't try to make them even better by turning them into pizza pancakes or something, that is._

But today, it had only been normal, delicious pancakes. Raph smiled a little and leaned back.

Now, this day hadn't been as bad as he had feared. Yes, not being able to walk still sucked, but getting a delicious breakfast in bed wasn't so bad after all. He actually liked it more than he would admit – he had a reputation to keep.

But when he set eyes on his ankle in the support splint again, he twisted his mouth. But after a few moments of glaring at it, he took a deep breath. Anger wouldn't make his ankle heal any faster.

_Breathe in, breath out, river over stone…_

His mantra was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Yes?"

The door was opened cautiously and Casey popped his head in.

"Hey there, Raph," he said with an insecure laugh. "How ya doin'?"

"As good as I can," Raph replied with a shrug.

For a moment he wondered why Casey was here. It wasn't even midday. Wasn't he supposed to be in school or something? But then he remembered that it was Sunday – not that school would keep Casey away if he thought something more interesting or more important was going on. He only skipped school on rare occasions though, as did April when something like an alien invasion popped up, so Raph thought it was okay.

"You…uhm…got my texts that I couldn't make it to the movie night yesterday?" Casey asked insecurely. He still hadn't entered the room, just popped his head in.

"Well, I wasn't sure if I got it right after the first twenty 'Can't make it tonight, have training, sorry'-messages, but message number twenty-one with the exact same text sorta nailed it down for me," Raph replied with a smirk.

_See? That's not so bad. I still can joke around._

"Oh good!" There was a relieved ring to Casey's voice, and he finally opened the door and entered Raph's room.

And Raph's face – and his mood – literally fell when he saw what Casey was carrying. Was that a bouquet? And in his other hand, was he really holding a box of chocolates?

Raph felt how the anger that had just faded down, started burning in his stomach again.

What was he? Casey's date? Or had Donnie forgotten to mention that he was on his death-bed? And not even then Raph would have tolerated his best friend bringing him flowers and chocolates!

"That's for you," Casey explained and dropped the bouquet on the bed next to Raph and placed the box of chocolates on the bedside table.

Raph shifted away from the bouquet a little as if it could attack him any minute, and then just looked from the bouquet to the box of chocolates to Casey, then to the bouquet again and he realized with horror that it was red roses. When he looked up to Casey, his features had all switched into his trademark angry look again.

"Did you really bring me roses and chocolates?" he asked, his voice calm, too calm.

"M-my sis told me that's what you're supposed to do when you visit someone in hospital – she thinks you're in hospital, you know – bring flowers and a box of chocolates," Casey defended himself, although his voice was all shaky. "A-and roses were the only flowers I could name in that s-stupid flower shop."

"Out." Raph's voice had gained a little more calm which was a bad thing, a really bad thing. It was the calm before the storm – or in Raph's case, tornado.

"What?"

"You heard me, Casey! GET OUT!"

Casey looked at Raph for a moment, totally confused, but the fury blazing in Raph's eyes made him back away slowly.

Well, too slowly in Raph's opinion. He grabbed the bouquet and threw it at Casey, hitting him right in the face.

"Did you just throw a bunch of roses into my face?" Casey asked disbelievingly, as the bouquet landed on the floor with rustling sound.

"Get out or the next thing I'm gonna throw into your face is a bunch of shuriken!"

Casey didn't need to be told twice and quickly buzzed off.

Raph growled as he picked up the box of chocolates in an attempt of tossing them to the roses on the floor, but then he rethought that and instead opened the box and started eating some.

Really, he had been feeling so much better after this delicious breakfast, even had managed to forget the pain in his ankle for a little while. So why had Casey had to come here and bring him roses and chocolates and remind him of his actual condition? And why had Casey had to act as if Raph needed to be treated differently now that he was hurt? Why did Casey think he had to pity him? WHY!?

He growled again and shoved some more chocolates into his mouth.


	4. Talks

On her way to the lair later that day, April met Casey in the tunnel. She frowned when she caught sight of him. He looked miserable. And why was he on his way back home already? He spent so much time at the lair, and seeing him leave it on Sunday around midday felt a little odd. And he didn't seem like he was in a hurry, but instead trotted leisurely. Did he have some family meeting? But why was he looking so sad then? Well, okay, family meetings could make one sad, she knew that. But still, this all seemed a little strange.

"Hey there, Casey!" she greeted him with a smile.

Casey, who had kept his eyes lowered while he was walking, stopped and looked at her.

"Oh, hey, Red," he said tonelessly.

Okay, something sure was wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"N-nothing."

April just twisted her mouth and looked at him sternly.

"Okay, okay!" he said. "Something's wrong, okay?"

"And this something is…?"

Casey let out a sigh. "Raph."

April gave a little nod. She had been afraid, he would say that. She leaned against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest. This would take a little while.

"And what exactly happened?"

And then Casey recounted what had happened earlier, and April really had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from bursting into laughter when he told her about the roses and the box of chocolates, but she somehow managed to stay all calm and serious, although she knew she would break out into hysterical laughter later today at the image of Casey handing Raph red roses and a box of chocolate. This was just hilarious!

But she kept listening to Casey's story, nodding reassuringly every now and then.

"…And I don't get it! It was a gift!" Casey said. "I didn't mean no harm! I wanted him to feel better. It's my fault he's hurt!"

"No, it is not," April said, shaking her head slightly.

"It _is_!" Casey insisted. "If I hadn't been standing there, where that stupid wall was coming down and could have flattened me, Raph would be okay."

April heaved a sigh. Oh, she knew that feeling so well! If her father and she hadn't been going for a walk that night more than a year ago, the Kraang would never have kidnapped them. But she had learned to see it that way: They could have kidnapped them somewhere else, and maybe wherever that would have been, the turtles wouldn't have been able to see them. So it had been good, in a screwed kind of way.

And she needed to make Casey see his situation in the same light.

"If you had been standing somewhere else, maybe Raph wouldn't have been able to bail you out and you would have been flattened. Or maybe you both would have been buried by that wall. So I'd say it was good. Well, not 'good' in the sense of 'man, I'm glad that happened', but 'man, I'm glad it hadn't gotten any worse'." She shrugged.

"But Raph…"

"It is just a broken ankle, Casey. I know, Raph hates it and who could blame him? But it's not like it would kill him. He's gonna be fine in a few weeks."

"He was so angry, April."

"Wow, now that's a surprise! An angry Raph! I think I have never seen him angry before!"

She couldn't help, but grin broadly, and maybe the little teasing would cheer Casey up. And it seemed to work, because Casey curled his lips into a small smile.

_Gotcha!_, April thought.

"You know Raph," she continued, her voice now serious again. "He hates being needy and he hates not being able to hit someone. So, yeah, sure he's angry and all. And Donnie told me that he hates being treated differently when he's hurt. It makes him feel like people are pitying him which, of course, he hates. And that you brought him flowers and chocolates sort of was the final straw, I guess."

"I just wanted to make him feel better," Casey mumbled.

"I know that, and Donnie knows that, and Mikey and Leo, too. Maybe even Raph, deep down his angry self," April replied. "It's just that he hates to be reminded that he is sort of _constricted_ at the moment. And under no circumstances make him feel like he is not the usual tough guy you know. He hates that!"

"But sometimes he needs help, I think. What am I supposed to do then?"

"Make it look like it's no big deal," April explained. "That's how his brothers handle it."

Casey thought about that for a moment. "Okay, I think I can handle that."

"Sure you can!"

Casey looked at April and gave her a warm smile. "Thanks, Red!"

"You're welcome," April replied and pushed herself off the wall into a standing position again. "And if you'll excuse me now, I have to beard the lion…uhm…turtle in his den."

Casey gave a little laugh. "Well, good luck with that, Red!"

"I'm a pro, I don't need luck!" April said, sticking her nose up in the air in a playful way.

Casey laughed a little more. "Well, good luck anyway. I'm sure you'll need it nonetheless," he said and then waved at her. "I'll go home now and explain my sis that not every patient loves to get flowers and chocolates. See you around, April!"

"Bye, Casey!"

* * *

Raph had just eaten the last of the chocolates in the box and tossed the box to the roses on the floor with a grunt.

_Way to go, Raph! Eating chocolates like some stupid diva when you're feeling down. But hey, you can work it all off at the dojo later. Oh, wait, no, you can't!_

He growled and folded his arms over his plastron. This day had just gotten worse.

When there was a knock on the door, he thought for a moment of pretending he had fallen asleep again, but on the other, who said he would be feeling any better later?

"Come in!" he said in his grumpiest voice, and when a second later, April opened the door, he added in slightly friendlier tone, "April."

The teenage girl just smiled at him. "Hey, Raph!"

She frowned a little when she found the grave of flowers with an empty box of chocolates on top of it on the floor, but then she remembered what Donnie had told her, so she simply stepped over it as if it wasn't there and sat down on the edge of Raph's bed.

She was about to ask him how he was feeling, but the grumpy look on his face made her decide otherwise, so she decided to get to the point straightforwardly.

"Well, I have something for you," she announced, and when she saw the alarmed look on his face, she had nearly added that it wasn't roses or chocolates, but she bit her tongue just in time.

No need to bring the Casey-incident up too much.

So she just retrieved a bulky book out of her messenger bag. "I was rearranging my bookshelf yesterday and found this," she explained, handing Raph the book.

He frowned at it for a moment before he took it reluctantly. He examined the cover. _Realms – The Return of the Lost King_, said the title, and it was written in this ornamental font typical for fantasy books. And the cover image showed some old castle.

Raph looked back at April, his frown even deeper.

April shrugged. "I thought you might like it. Lots of fights and blood and killing."

Again, she had to bite her tongue or else she would have said something about him having enough time to read at hand at the moment, but she knew that he wouldn't want to hear that. So it was better left unspoken.

"Okay," was all he answered as he put it on the shelf at the head of his bed.

April just smiled at him.

"So, I brought pizza gyoza from Mr. Murakami. Wanna join us for lunch?" she asked as she got up again.

"Sure." Raph said with a shrug. Okay, he had just eaten a box of chocolates and had had a sumptuous breakfast, but he would gain weight anyway in this six weeks of no training, so who cared?

And with that he heaved himself into his office chair and followed April outside.

April made sure to not step on the roses as she had done when she had entered the room, and from the corner of her eye she could see that Raph steered clear of the flowers on the floor, too, and this somehow made her smile.


	5. Useless

**Chapter 05: Useless**

The following days, sleeping was what Raph was doing most of the time. Sleep was his friend. It let him forget how much he was hurting, it helped forget his current condition, and he simply loved the state between sleep and waiting, this sweet in-between stage where everything was just golden and pleasant and fine. He would sleep just to reach that state later. His world was complete there, now more than ever.

Bu then, there was this moment, too, when he finally had to wake up, when he couldn't hold on to this state any longer. And this was when the truth hit him with full force, when he realized that his foot was still in the support splint, when he knew he couldn't train today either. So he started each morning with a frown and a sigh.

Like every morning Raph got up, heaved himself into the office chair and rolled to the kitchen. He listened for any noises in his brothers' rooms, for any movements, even peeked inside Leo's room, but it was empty. So his brothers were already up. Good. That meant breakfast should be finished soon.

But when he had finally made his way to the kitchen by jumping the stairs with the office chair under his arm, he stopped in the entrance and his eyes widened in shock. The kitchen was empty.

What was going on here?

Slight panic rose within him. Where were his brothers? He hadn't heard any noises from the dojo.

_Okay, maybe they're having some morning meditation session_, he tried to calm himself. Yes, this had to be it.

With a determined nod he rolled over to the dojo – only to find it empty, too.

Now he was out of ideas, and panic took over again. His brothers were gone!

At that moment, the door of Splinter's room slid open and the ninja master appeared in the dojo.

Raph let out a quick sigh of relief. At least his sensei was still here. But then he was all panic again.

"Sensei!" he addressed Splinter. "The others, they're gone!"

Splinter looked at him slightly confused.

"Well, of course they are," he said in a calm voice.

"What!?" If any more panic could have been added to Raph's current state, this would have been the moment. "WHY are they gone, sensei? What happened? Are we under attack? Why didn't anyone wake me up?"

Splinter frowned. "Raphael, please calm down. They are gone because they are on their patrol."

"What!? In the morning? During daytime?" Raph's eyes widened even more. Had his brothers totally lost it?

Splinter choked a laugh as he realized what was going on here, but couldn't fight back a soft chuckle.

"Raphael," he said to his son. "Everything is fine. Your brothers have left for their _evening_ patrol."

Raph blinked a few times. "W-wait, what?"

"Raphael, it is already nine o'clock in the evening." Splinter looked at his son amusedly. "You have been sleeping all day."

"You serious?" Raph's jaw dropped a little. But now that he thought of it, he hadn't looked at the watch all day, so yes, this most certainly was a possibility.

Splinter replied with a nod.

"Uhm, okay," he said then, straightening up in his seat, forcing his facial features into a serious look. "I'll be in the kitchen then."

And with that he rolled out of the dojo.

* * *

After having a very late breakfast, Raph was in the living room again. He had turned the TV on, but he just couldn't concentrate on what was on. His thoughts always drifted to his brothers.

What if they got into trouble? He wouldn't be there to help them!

Okay, not that he would be much of a help anyway, with his broken ankle and all, but he could still operate the Shellraiser's weapons, right? And maybe he could even ride the Stealth Bike, so if they needed him he _could_ help. He _would_ help!

But they usually went on their evening patrols by foot, so this was off limits for him now.

He sighed. Maybe he should call them, just check if they were okay.

But no, this was stupid! He would seem like dragon, checking on her husband and making sure he wasn't going to a pub after work.

No, no, he wouldn't call them.

Besides, why was he so worried today? He hadn't been that worried yesterday or the day before yesterday, so why was he worried now? Because he hadn't seen them leave? Because if he had he could convince himself that they left in a great mood and in a good condition and that they would be able to face whatever was waiting for them topside? Was _that_ the reason?

He thought so. He hadn't seen them leave tonight. He didn't know if maybe one of them seemed a bit down or unconcentrated, he just didn't know.

Okay, this wasn't getting him anywhere. Painting worst case-scenarios in his head was making everything just worse. He needed to do something.

But with a broken ankle, his opportunities sure were limited. He couldn't even play a game of pinball, because he would need both legs for this and couldn't play from a sitting position. He glanced over at the TV where this very old gaming console, which Donnie had repaired for Mikey last week, was resting. Mikey had shown him how to play yesterday. And although Raph had acted as if he hadn't been interested at all, he still had paid attention.

This could work. He needed to concentrate to play this game.

He got up and hopped over to the TV on his good leg.

* * *

Two hours later he was so absorbed by the game, he had completely forgotten to worry over his brothers. The game was pretty easy, though, just pushing a few buttons, making this pixelated figure, which should be some sort of a warrior jump around and run and swing its sword. But it sure was entertaining. And he couldn't wait to surpass Mikey's high score!

It was that moment when he heard voices from the lair's entrance, and they somehow seemed odd.

He quickly turned his head, and when he saw what was going on, he rose in no time, balancing on one foot. He tossed the gaming console away. High scores didn't matter any longer. Nothing mattered any longer.

His eyes grew wide as he saw how Leo had wrapped his mask over his left forearm.

"What happened?" Raph asked immediately, trying his best to keep the panic out of voice, but failed completely.

"Just a scratch," Leo said. "We ran into a group of Purple Dragons, and one of them got lucky with his knife."

Raph's eyes widened even more.

"It's not that bad, really," Leo said quickly, but Raph saw things a little differently.

* * *

Moments later, Raph was sitting on the left side of the couch where he could easily rest his ankle on a pillow and watched how Donnie patched Leo up.

Raph's brow was furrowed, his mouth pressed into a stern line, and he had his arms crossed over his plastron.

If he had been there, he thought, this would never have happened. Purple Dragons never got that lucky when he was around. He should have been there!

But then realization hit him. Even if he had, there would have been nothing he could have done. The fight had taken place in a small side street. Neither the Shellraiser nor the Stealth Bike would have been of any use. He wouldn't have been able to fire any weapon without risking hitting his brothers, too.

He clenched his fists without unfolding his arms, until his fingers started hurting.

_I'm useless!_


	6. Walking Stick

**Chapter 06: Walking Stick**

His brothers had gone to bed an hour ago, but Raph still was up. After sleeping all day and tonight's events, he was too churned up to even think of sleep.

Leo was hurt, and although this still could have happened if Raph had been around, he couldn't stop feeling as if he should have been there to help his brother. Oh, he hated the Kraang even more than he had ever done before! Stupid Kraang and stupid ceilings coming down! He had been able to save Casey, his best friend, but he hadn't been careful enough. If he had, he wouldn't have gotten hurt, he would still have been able to be there and help Leo, to wrench this damned knife from this damned Purple Dragon's hand. And he would have succeeded! He knew it.

No one would hurt his brothers if he could help it.

But the terrible truth was he couldn't help at the moment, not for the next six weeks. Well, six weeks, if he was lucky. He still needed to get back in shape after that. But heck, as soon as he could stand on two legs again, he was so going to join them on their patrols. And he wanted to see Leo trying to stop him from that.

Raph took a deep breath and raised his hands to his temples as a terrible headache was trying to tear his head apart.

_Well, no wonder after all this thinking_, he said to himself. _I wonder how Donnie manages to do this incredible amount of thinking every day without squirming in pain. His headaches must be unbearable._

Raph pondered on that for a moment.

_Or maybe he doesn't have headaches at all. We're talking about Donnie here. I guess his brain is built differently from ours._

He groaned a little as another flash of pain rushed through his head.

_Speaking of Donnie…_

With that he got up and hopped to his office chair.

* * *

"D-…" He could stop most of his brother's name before it had left his mouth when he had opened the door to Donnie's room and found it dark. Donnie had already gone to sleep and only stirred a little in his sleep at Raph opening the door.

Raph watched this with a frown. It was unusual for Donnie going to sleep this early. It was only a little bit past midnight, and yes, he had checked beforehand. After a whole day of sleeping he knew that his sense of time wasn't the best at the moment.

And Donnie usually stayed up until one or two o'clock in the morning, working on his projects or reading. But apparently not today.

Raph choked a sigh, as he pushed the office chair backwards and closed the door again.

Looked like he had to take care of his medication himself tonight. He rolled over to the kitchen, fetching himself an aspirin.

Back in bed, he braced himself for a night of staring at the ceiling – and thinking.

_No! No thinking! _

He had had a month's amount of thinking today already. Well, _his_ month's amount which probably was three times the thinking Mikey did, maybe a quarter of what Leo's monthly thinking-amount was, and most probably a very small amount of thinking Donnie did every day.

His hand rushed to his temples again.

Heck, when would that aspirin finally show affect?

_No thinking, Raph! If Donnie can shut down his precious brain every now and then, you can do that for a night!_

* * *

He must have fallen asleep over this eventually because when he opened his eyes again and glanced at his T-phone, it was already morning.

With a sigh he got up, rolling out of his room on the office chair.

On his way to the kitchen he heard noises coming from the dojo, and he was very relieved to hear that.

After waking up to complete silence yesterday, he had been afraid that would happen today as well, that his brothers would be gone again. He knew how stupid this was, how irrational. It was daytime, he had checked. Of course they were here! But a smile cracked his grumpy morning face nonetheless.

But it only lasted for as long as it took him to peek into the dojo, to catch a glimpse of Leo's bandaged arm, to make him frown again.

Without a word of greeting he left again.

All the anger from yesterday that had been gone this morning washed over him again and he gritted his teeth. There had to be something he could do. He needed to move, he needed to hit something. And he needed to do that _now_.

He had reached the living room and set eyes on the practice dummy. He wasn't sure if this would work. But he had to try.

* * *

It turned out that it worked better than he had hoped. Sitting on his office chair, his broken ankle resting on a stool, he was punching the practice dummy. And heck, it felt good!

With each punch he landed on the dummy, some of his anger faded away.

His punches had only been testing so far, but now he felt secure enough to give the dummy some proper punching.

He hauled off and hit the dummy with so much force, it swung backwards. What he had forgotten, though, was that it would swing back at him then as well. And unable to jump out of the way, all he could do was bringing up his hands to protect his face.

The dummy hit him and sent him twirling backwards on his office chair. And the next thing he remembered was the splashing of water as he and his office chair fell into the pool.

Being a turtle, water was no threat to him, but he swallowed some water nonetheless when he gasped in surprise.

But as soon as he had figured out what had happened he broke the surface and swam to the pool edge, heaving himself out of the water, coughing the little water he had swallowed out of his lungs.

At that moment his brothers and Splinter came running into the living room, and they figured out pretty soon what must have happened when the saw a drenched Raph sitting on the pool edge, a swinging practice dummy, and an office chair at the bottom of the pool.

Wordlessly, Donnie and Leo went to Raph, set him on his good foot and helped him to the couch. Mikey darted out of the living room only to return with a towel seconds later. He handed Raph the towel without saying anything – his brothers knew when it was better for them to remain silent, to not make any fun, Raph had to give them that.

Still coughing, Raph took the towel and started drying himself, and when he finally had stopped coughing, he realized Splinter was standing in front of him.

"I've let you get away with this office chair for way too long now, Raphael," he said. "No more rolling around on this thing. You will use crutches from now on. They are safer."

"No way!" Raph protested. "I hate crutches!"

"What about a walking stick?" Donnie suggested. "It could be enough if you don't move too much."

Raph blew a raspberry. "Walking sticks are for old people, Donnie!"

His brothers' eyes widened in shock and when Raph looked at Splinter resting his hands on his green walking stick, he knew why.

Splinter just raised a brow at him.

"N-not that I mean you're old, sensei!" he said quickly. "Just…uhm…_older_, you know."

Splinter tapped his walking stick on the floor.

"Walking stick or crutches, Raphael," he said. "It is your decision. But no more office chairs."

"But…"

"You heard me!"

Raph let out a deep breath. "Hai sensei."

Splinter just nodded and turned to leave, tapping his walking stick to the floor just a little louder than usual with each step.


	7. Make-Over

**Chapter 07: Make-Over**

Raphael had come back to his room two hours ago. His brothers had another training session after lunch. He was lying on his bed, and he really, really needed to go to the bathroom now. But instead of getting up, he just turned his head and glared at the crutches leaning at the wall next to his bed.

He was so not going to use them!

It had been humiliating enough when he had to go back to his room earlier today after the loss of his office chair and Splinter insisting that he had to use crutches or a walking stick due to safety reasons.

Not wanting to annoy his sensei any more than he had already done with his infelicitous comment on walking sticks and old people, he had decided against a walking stick. Another reason for this decision had been that his brother probably would have called him an old man as long as he would have to use a walking stick.

So, only crutches had been left for him. But he still hated them. They were so boring and ugly and uncool. And he was going to use them as little as possible, that was for sure.

But still, he really needed to go to the bathroom now.

_Okay, just stop thinking about it, maybe you'll forget it then. Think of something else._

He rolled on his side and looked at the bouquet of roses Casey had brought him the other day and which Raph had hidden in a vase behind a bunch of his stuff, so no one who entered his room would see it.

The roses already went limp, he realized now. Maybe he should get them some fresh water.

He could get a plastic bottle from the kitchen and fill it with some water, some fresh water from the faucet. He just needed to sneak in there and turn on the water, let it run until it was all cold and…

_Damnit!_

Now he needed to go to the bathroom more urgently than before.

He glared back at the crutches.

_Just no! Stop thinking about water and you are going to be okay! No running water, no…Argh!_

Maybe he could jump to the bathroom on one leg, maybe Splinter wouldn't realize.

But when he still was thinking about this possibility there was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" Raph asked.

The door opened a little and a lanky human hand was popped inside, pivoting a white handkerchief.

"I…I come in peace!" said Casey's voice from the other side of the door.

Raph just rolled his eyes as he sat up. "It's okay, Casey, you can come in."

The door was opened a little wider and Casey looked inside. "Really?"

"Really," Raph confirmed.

"Okay," said Casey a little insecurely and stuffed the handkerchief into the pocked of his pants.

Raph looked at the crutches once more. There still was this bathroom-problem, but he really didn't want to use the crutches. He looked back at Casey.

Maybe this would work.

"Hey, man, could you give me a hand?" Raph asked.

"With what?"

"I need to go to the bathroom. Can I lean on you?"

"Suuuuure," Casey replied, a little unsure about this plan. Raph was smaller and heavier than he was, so this sure would be a challenge. He set eyes on the crutches.

"Why don't you use these cr…?"

"No crutches!" Raph yelled.

"O-okay." Casey stepped back a little, but then he took a deep breath and walked over to Raph to help him up.

* * *

"Can't you walk any slower, Casey?" Raph asked in a low voice. "I think we're still going faster than a snail."

"Very…funny," Casey panted. "Why are we…whispering?"

"I don't want the others to hear us," Raph replied.

And that was the truth. He was afraid what Master Splinter would say to this – and that his brothers could make fun of them. And a funny sight, they sure were. Casey was walking with a stoop to be the same height as Raph and had one arm wrapped around Raph's shell and using the other hand to keep Raph's arm that was wrapped around his shoulders, in place.

Casey had to admit, he hadn't thought that it would be easy, but he had sort of forgotten how heavy exactly Raph was. And thanks to his broken ankle he had to keep off of his one leg as much as possible which meant that with every second step, Casey had to carry nearly all of Raph's weight.

But they arrived at the bathroom somehow – and without getting spotted on by the others which really was a plus.

Raph reached for the door knob and opened the door, finally lifting his weight from Casey shoulders as he balanced on one leg.

"Okay, I can take it from here," he said.

Casey tried not to show how relieved he was to get a little break.

But when Raph tried to jump through the open door, he somehow managed to bump against the doorframe with one shoulder. The impact – as small as it was – unbalanced him and he flailed about. Casey tried to catch him, as Raph fell backwards, and although Casey tried his best to make a stand against the falling turtle, Raph's weight was too much for him, and they soon hit the floor, Raph landing on Casey, pinning him on the ground with his carapace.

"Oof," Casey made as all the air was pressed out of his lungs.

There was a moment of silence before Raph spoke.

"You okay, Casey?"

"Y-yes," Casey hissed, and Raph rolled of him as quickly as he could.

"Well, okay then," he replied. "As I said I can take it from here."

And with that he crawled into the bathroom on all fours, pushing the door shut.

"Yeah, okay," Casey said, still lying on the ground. "T-take your time."

* * *

Casey had no idea how long he had been lying there. He felt totally exhausted, his body hurt, and he sure was going to have some bruises later.

"Casey, I don't think that's the best place to take a nap," a familiar voice said, and Casey cracked his eyes open to look at Leo.

"I'm not taking a nap!" he responded, making no move. "I'm taking a little rest."

"A little rest? From what? Having to walk all the way from Raph's room to the bathroom?"

"Having to walk all the way from Raph's room to the bathroom with Raph leaning on me," Casey clarified.

"What? Why didn't he use his crutches?"

Casey shrugged. "Dunno."

Leo walked over to the bathroom door, and Casey finally felt strong enough to sit up.

Leo knocked on the door. "Raph, you in there?"

"No, it's my evil twin," came the reply from inside. "Of course it's me!"

"Why don't you have your crutches with you?"

"I…uhm…forgot about them."

Leo rolled his eyes. "Sure. I'll get them for you."

"Ooooookay."

* * *

When Leo arrived at Raph's room he found Mikey sitting on Raph's bed, pottering around with the crutches. Only when he came closer, he realized Mikey was wrapping them with red tape.

"Mikey?"

Mikey jumped a little, having been too caught up in his work to recognize his brother earlier.

"Oh…uhm…hey, Leo!"

"What are you doing?"

Mikey looked down on the crutches.

"I walked past Raph's room and saw that his crutches were still here, but he was gone. And we all know how much he hates the crutches because they're uncool, so I thought I make them a little cooler for him," he explained and wrapped the last bit of the one crutch he was working on with red tape. The other was already finished.

"Aw, Mikey," Leo said, giving his brother a warm smile. "That's a nice idea. But don't be sad if it doesn't work. You know Raph."

Mikey nodded. "Most certainly do. But it's worth a try."

"It sure is," Leo replied. "Let's bring them to him."

Mikey nodded and handed Leo the crutches and got up to join his brother on their way back to Raph.

"You know, Raph would have gotten really mad if he had found you in his room," Leo said.

"No worries!" Mikey replied with a calming gesture. "Raph isn't quite the stealthiest at the moment."

Leo thought about that for a moment. "Agreed."

* * *

When they came back to the bathroom, Raph was already waiting for them, standing in the doorway on his good leg and giving himself support by hanging on to the doorframe. Casey was leaning on the wall next to him, still looking a bit exhausted.

Raph looked at the crutches for a moment as Leo handed them to him. They looked different with the red tape-wrapping, a little bit more bearable.

"Who gave them a make-over?" he asked.

"I did!" Mikey called out. "Do you like it? They're red now. That's your color."

"I'm not colorblind," Raph replied with a shrug, took the crutches and started walking down the corridor.

Something was definitely different, Leo realized. Raph hadn't yelled because of the crutches, and he now wasn't cursing on his way down the corridor.

He turned to look at Mikey and the youngest turtle gave him a big, confident grin.

Leo just chuckled and patted Mikey's shoulder approvingly.


	8. A Whole New World

**Chapter 08: A Whole New World**

The thing with being hurt and not able to move properly was that it really limited Raph's options to kill time. He couldn't train, he couldn't join his brothers on patrols, and Splinter had clearly forbidden that he tried to punch the practice dummy again, so yes, being hurt was pretty boring.

And he was dependent on his brothers or Casey or April to keep him entertained by talking to him or – more often – play cards or a board game.

Walking over to the living room on his crutches Raph was thinking of the most exciting thing he had experienced yesterday – smuggling the bouquet of roses Casey had given him the other day out of his room because the roses had been totally withered already. Raph was sure he had done a quite good job. He had put the withered flowers into a plastic bag, waited until his brothers had left for their evening patrol, and then he had walked over to the kitchen on his crutches with the plastic bag handles over one of his wrists. He had stuffed the bag into the garbage can as deep as possible, and his brothers hadn't asked any questions today, so Raph felt certain that he had done a marvelous job and the roses had went undetected.

When he arrived in the living room, he found it empty and silent. His brothers had obviously left for their patrol already, he thought. And Casey and April had one of these stupid tests tomorrow, so they wouldn't show up in the lair today. He knew because he had sent them both texts earlier today.

Raph heaved a sigh and walked back to his room, slumping down on the bed minutes later, and placed the crutches next to his bed.

He frowned when he looked at them. Sure, he still hated them, but they weren't as bad as he had expected. At least they were looking cool now with all the red tape. And he had to admit, walking on them was so much easier than jumping around on one leg or rolling around on an office chair. He would never say that crutches were cool – perish the thought! – but at least crutches weren't as stupid and uncool as they had seemed to be in the first place.

But that still didn't help with his current boredom-problem.

Well, he could get back to the living room and watch TV, but he had done that a lot lately, and he really didn't feel like it now. Or maybe he could play another video game. But he had already beaten all of Mikey's high scores, leaving the youngest turtle speechless and wide-eyed. No, he didn't feel like that either.

What he really felt like was getting this stupid support split off and running around topside, beating Foot ninja and Purple Dragons and jumping from rooftop to rooftop until he was all exhausted and sweating and feeling alive.

All he felt right now was totally bored.

He let his eyes wander around his room. There had to be something that could get him out of this boredom.

And finally, his eyes were resting on the book April had brought him a few days ago and that he had placed on the shelf at the head of his bed and not touched ever since.

April had said that it was a lot about fights and blood and killing, so that sounded okay. It at least didn't sound girly. So maybe he should give it a try.

He made himself comfortable, took the book and opened it.

The letters were sort of overwhelming at first, all this letters! No pictures! Heck, this was so different from reading a magazine!

But then he blinked the confusion away, waited until the letters formed into words, and words formed into sentences. And then he started reading.

_There were rumors about the Shadow Woods. Travelers had went missing in there, and rumors said that you could still hear them screaming._

_Rumors said that in Shadow Woods, not only the animals, but their shadows too were alive, that your own shadow would betray you in there, starting moving without following your movements, developing a life of its own, reaching out for you, attacking you, sucking out your soul, taking away your flesh and making it its own, until all that was left of you was a shadow, a hollow shadow without a body, a whisper, a scream.  
That was what they said about the Shadow Woods. But Lerani had never given much about rumors or what people said. He had always had more important things to do.  
And so he entered the Shadow Woods without any fear, only his feet were cold from having walked for too long in the snow, but then the cold crept up his body, freezing his inside, and from the corner of his eye he could see how his shadow lifted a hand, although his own hands were hanging on his sides.  
Oh, he should have listened!_

Raph's jaw literally dropped while reading this. No, this surely wasn't girly at all! No, this was good. Heck, this was brilliant! This was a whole new world for him!

* * *

When his brothers arrived back home from their patrol, they were a little surprised to not find Raph in the living room. This was where he spent most of his time now, watching TV and playing video games.

"At least he's not beating another one of my high scores," Mikey said.

"I thought he had already beaten all of your high scores," Donnie replied, and Mikey shot him an angry glance.

"For now, yes. But I will get them all back, I swear, and if it's the last thing I'm gonna do!"

Leo just rolled his eyes. "Well, video games or not, let's go get him. I guess he wouldn't mind joining us for some 'Super Robo Mecha Force Five!'."

His brothers nodded their agreement.

But when they had had arrived at Raph's room and silently opened the door after there hadn't been any reply to their five times of knocking, their eyes widened in surprise as they found their brother burying his nose in a book.

After a moment of shock Leo closed the door again.

"Is Raph…reading…a book?" Mikey asked.

"It looks like it," Donnie said. "That's…weird."

"Is it possible he got brain-switched again? That happened to him once. Maybe it happened again! Maybe he has switched brains with Donnie!" Mikey called out in a panicked voice.

"Calm down, shellbrain!" Donnie replied. "I'm still me which means Raph is still him."

"But what if only half your brains got switched?" Mikey said. "You're so intelligent, Donnie, you wouldn't even notice that half your brain is missing with all the knowledge you have stored in the other half!"

"Relax, Mikey!" Donnie tried again. "As unusual as it is, Raph is just reading a book."

"But…"

"Donnie's right, Mikey," Leo chimed in. "And he seems to be pretty intrigued by it, so we better leave him alone."

"But…"

"It's okay, Mikey," Leo said again.

"But…"

"'Super Robo Mecha Force Five!' now!" Leo finally ordered, shoving Mikey back to the living room. "Come on!"

"But…"

Donnie just shook his head slightly and followed them.


	9. Reading Material

**Chapter 09: Reading Material**

_And in the darkness, they waited._

Raph turned the last page of the book with a confused look on his face. He turned back, flipped through the last five pages, but no, he hadn't been mistaken. This had been the last sentence of the book.

He took the book in both hands and shook it as if this would make more pages or letters fall out, but it was of no use. With a groan he put the book aside.

So this was it?

He had spent all his free time of the last three days reading and now it was over? Just like that? He had only come out of his room to join his brothers for meals, he had skipped their "Super Robo Mecha Force Five!"-marathons, he had only asked Donnie for pain killers when he had absolutely needed them and barely lifted his head when his genius brother had come to his room for Raph's thrombosis injections – which from Donnie's point of view surely must have been a relief – and now it was _over_!?

And really, so many questions were still floating around in Raph's head, questions the book had left unanswered. What was with the shadow zombies, and why had they suddenly started to leave Shadow Woods? And the lost king was back now, but still hadn't gotten his realm back. He was still hiding in the mountains and hadn't even started thinking about a real plan to overthrow the three false kings that had divided the once glorious realm among them after they had killed the lost king's father and made him flee. And why weren't the sorcerers from the Crystal Mountains helping? They had sworn fidelity to the true king, for heaven's sake! Or for the Great Mother's sake, like they would say in the book. And it had been mentioned that the demons had their own plans, but what exactly were their plans?

Raph let himself slump back on his carapace. All these questions unanswered! What was he supposed to do now?

He wasn't blessed with a vivid imagination like Mikey or Donnie or even Leo, so he couldn't come up with an ending all by himself.

He clenched his fists and banged them on the mattress several times.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! If he ever got the chance to put his hands on this author, he was so going to tell him what he thought of ending a story like this!

It was this moment when he heard an all too familiar voice that truly didn't belong to one of his brothers.

April was here!

And with that he grabbed the book, tucked it under his arm, and reached for his crutches.

And then he couldn't get out of his room fast enough.

* * *

April sat down on the couch, preparing herself for another "Super Robo Mecha Force Five!"-marathon. Mikey was lying on the ground in front of her like he usually was, Donnie was sitting next to her, and Leo was sitting next to Donnie. She was about to ask if Raph would join them tonight because he had missed the last few ones, when she found the momentarily disabled turtle approaching her on his crutches. He sat down next to her and handed her back the book she had given him some time ago.

"Here," he said. "I finished it."

"Oh great!" April smiled at him. "Did you like it?"

_I loved it!_, Raph thought, but he quickly bit his tongue before the words made it out of his mouth.

It was one thing to love action movies and animes and martial arts magazines, but loving books was a totally different matter, especially for Raph. He was the tough guy, and anything that could make him look a little bit intellectual was a bit tricky, and even more when he would have to admit it in front of his _brothers_. It would make him look less cool, he thought, and heck, he had a reputation to keep!

"It was…okay," he replied matter-of-factly. "Didn't like the ending, though."

"Why not?" April asked. "I thought it was a pretty awesome foreshadowing of the next book."

"Next book?" Raph furrowed a brow.

"Yes, haven't I mentioned that?" April replied. "This is the first book in a series. There are five other books in the series so far, with number six following next month. So this wasn't the ending."

"It wasn't!?" Raph asked, his voice high-pitched in excitement, and when he realized that, he quickly cleared his throat.

"I mean, so this wasn't the ending, huh?" he added in a voice he hoped sounded indifferent.

"No, no, far from it," April replied.

"And you have the other books as well?"

"Sure!" April grinned at him.

"Really!?" Again Raph couldn't keep the high-pitched sound out of his voice which lead to another throat-clearing before he added, "Well, could you bring me the next book then?"

"Of course!"

"Or wait, better bring me all of them."

April raised a brow at this.

"I…I mean not that I want to read them that desperately, but it would make sure that I won't run out of reading material so easily," he clarified. "Not that a lack of reading material _really_ would be a problem, it's just…well…uhm…you know…"

"I most certainly do," April said with a smile. "I'll bring you the other books tomorrow after school, okay?"

Raph had to bite his tongue again or otherwise he would have asked her to get them right now or bring them before school tomorrow, so all he managed to say was, "Cool."

He wasn't sure if something had given him away. He had thought he had done a pretty good job in hiding his disappointment by putting an extra-grumpy look on his face, but suddenly April rose to her feet.

Well, it was April, he thought. Sometimes she got a feeling about things.

"Or you know what?" she said. "I could go get them right now. Pizza won't be here before forty-five minutes, so I have enough time for that before we start with our marathon tonight."

"You're amaz…" Raph called out, before he cleared his throat again. "I mean, thanks, April."

"You're welcome," April said, giving his shoulder a quick pat when she passed him as she walked over to the exit.

Raph watched her leave, but when he turned back, he found his three brothers looking at him.

"What!?" he asked a little too loud.

"N-nothing!" they replied in one voice before they turned their attention back to the news-report on TV.

Raph crossed his arms over his plastron, a smirk plastered to his face.

Yeah, he still knew how to do it.


	10. Waiting

**Chapter 10: Waiting**

Raph was sitting on the couch, his broken ankle hurting a bit again, but he refused to leave.

Leo hadn't sent him away when April had arrived with the latest news coming from her message board and her research regarding this new Kraang-facility. And so Raph had stayed when April had unfurled the blueprints she had found online on the floor, and he had stayed when she had told them about what she thought the Kraang used this facility for. And he had stayed when Leo had started pondering over the best way to infiltrate the building. He had stayed when Leo had started talking about their plan, telling Donnie and Mikey what their tasks were going to be. And he was still there, now that they were discussing Leo's plan, going into detail and coming up with some what-if-scenarios.

Raph knew these powwows, but for the first time since they had started going on missions, he wasn't really part of it. He was just sitting there, listening, and he felt out of place.

He hadn't even the expertise to help them with a plan. He was no strategist like Leo, no genius like Donnie and April, and of course, he was no fantast like Mikey – and yes, he refused to use the word "fool" here on purpose – who could come up with the weirdest what if-scenarios – or sometimes with things they would have never thought of in the first place.

Raph was a doer, not a thinker. He always preferred practice over theory, and the only reason he listened and participated in the theory-parts was because he needed them for the practice-parts. Raph was a fighter, a react-er, and now he was forced to sit around and listen.

And he was listening, he was listening closely, even more closely than ever before it seemed, checking each and every detail of their plan on its weaknesses because if he couldn't be there to help when something went terribly wrong, he at least wanted to try and warn his brothers beforehand if their plan wasn't good enough.

But so far, there wasn't anything he could object about this plan, but maybe that was because he was neither strategist nor genius nor fantast, and for the first time in his life, Raph wished he was more of a brain-person.

Thing was, he wasn't. He was the muscle, not the brain. And right now, he was feeling really bad about it.

He was listening as Leo went over every detail of their plan once more, and he knew that Donnie was capable of disrupting the security system long enough that they could get in, he knew that Mikey was capable of sneaking in first, and he knew that Leo was capable of having their backs, but still, it felt so wrong not being able to join them tonight.

From his point of view, the plan was good. It should work. But it made him feel so uneasy that he couldn't be there and help his brothers if things went wrong.

At least, Casey wouldn't join them tonight because he had been grounded, and April would stay at the lair, so there were two people less he had to worry about. But three brothers to worry about were still three too many, he thought.

But still, the plan was good, and Raph had to have faith that it would work. And maybe that was the reason Leo hadn't sent him away, but instead had let him stay – to show him that he had a good plan and that they were prepared for all the what-ifs.

That was what Raph was thinking when he watched his brothers leave.

* * *

His brothers were gone for half an hour now, they probably hadn't even reached the facility yet, but Raph was already on pins and needles. He tried to concentrate on the "Super Robo Mecha Force Five!"-episode that was on, but this episode was about Dash Coolstar being separated from his team and the team getting into deep trouble, and right now, Coolstar tried to get back to them and save them because without him, they were as good as dead.

No, not what Raph wanted to watch right now. Actually, he had no idea what he wanted to watch right now. He was afraid to zap through the channels because maybe he would catch a news-report that told that three dead mutant turtles had been found in the debris of a collapsed building.

He could try to read in the second book of "Realms" April had brought him. He had nearly finished it, but somehow he knew that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on that either.

He crossed his arms over his plastron and glanced over to April. The teenage girl was tapping away on her laptop with a calm look on her face which made Raph's eyes widen in surprise.

_How does she do that?_, Raph asked himself. _She must be worried, too, how can she stay so calm?_

He looked back at the TV without really noticing what was going on in that episode. He was too lost in thought, thinking about how April managed to stay so calm.

Suddenly, he understood why April had always been so eager to join them on missions as soon as she could block a punch. Being forced to wait while others were risking their lives was just _horrible_.

He was going through all the things that could go wrong in his head over and over, and it had only been _half an hour!_

He closed his eyes for a split second, but already long enough to see Leo lying on the ground, badly hurt and bleeding.

Argh! He was going insane here!

Again, he looked over to April, who still was working on her laptop with a totally calm face.

"Okay, I give up!" Raph called out, throwing his arms up in the air in a surrendering gesture. "How do you do it?"

April turned to him with a frown. "What do you mean?"

"How do you stay so calm!? I mean the others are out there, risking their lives, and we are sitting on a freaking couch and watching TV! I'm going nuts!"

April gave a soft chuckle.

"You want to know how I can stay so calm?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes!"

"Simple." April's smile deepened as she turned her laptop a bit to show Raph what she had been working on, and Raph recognized her message board.

"I work," she explained.

"Work?"

April nodded. "It's the best I can do at the moment, trying to get my thoughts elsewhere with something I really need to concentrate on, and these new Kraang-sightings keep me pretty busy."

"I can't even concentrate on TV!" Raph replied.

"Because the TV doesn't keep your brain busy enough," April explained. "You need something that absorbs all your attention."

"So that's how it works?"

April nodded and turned back to her laptop.

Raph thought about that for a moment. Sure, he knew that episode of "Super Robo Mecha Force Five!", and as exciting as "Realms" was, he got distracted easily when something as important as his brothers' lives was on stake. So maybe he should try this all of his attention-thing.

But what kind of work would need all of his attention?

He glanced at April again.

"Uhm, Arpil?" he asked. "Think I can help?"

April looked up from her laptop again. "Maybe," she said. "Right now, I'm collecting the most recent Kraang-sightings, but I'm only writing the locations down in a doc, meaning to tag them on a map later. But maybe you could do that."

"Sure thing!" Raph replied.

April nodded, put her laptop aside and went over to Donnie's lab and returned moments later with a bunch of paper, unfolding a map of New York on the floor.

She handed Raph a highlighter, taking her seat on the couch again, and the mutant turtle let himself slip to the floor.

"Okay, I'm telling you the locations and you highlight them on the map. Ready?"

"I was born ready!" Raph replied, popping off the cap of the highlighter.

April smiled and then turned to her laptop, telling Raph the first location.

When later that night the others returned from their mission, Raph had absolutely no idea, how much time had passed. He had been so busy with this map, finding the right locations on the map, that he had simply forgotten the time. But this was all forgotten, when he set eyes on them. They seemed all unharmed and Raph sent a silent thank you heavenwards.

April put her laptop aside almost immediately when she saw the others and got to her feet.

"You're back!" April called out. "How did it go?"

"Well, let's put it that way," Mikey said, straightening in a self-conscious pose. "There's one Kraang-facility less on this planet."

"Good!" April said with a smile.

Raph nodded and heaved himself back on the couch, as the others were walking over to them. Mikey had already started with his detailed explanation of what had happened this night.

Raph was sure that the others were too busy listening to Mikey, so he allowed himself to let out a sigh of relief. He was so glad this was over. He wouldn't have to worry again tonight, and their next mission seemed too far away to worry about just yet. And maybe he would be able to join them again next time.

_Yes, maybe_, he hoped.

It was a pious hope, he knew that, but sometimes hope was all that was left.


	11. Surprises

**Chapter 11: Surprises**

With a sigh Raph closed the book and placed it on the shelf at the head of his bed. This had been the third book of "Realms" and he still was highly intrigued with the story. Actually, he had spent nearly all week reading, and now only two more books were waiting for him until he had to face a hiatus before the new book was out.

Well, maybe he had to wait even longer than that because these were April's books, and when she bought the new book, she probably wanted to read it first.

So he better rationed his reading material wisely.

And this meant, no more reading for him today.

He glanced around his room. So what else could he do?

He had grown so used to reading that he somehow lacked ideas here.

He set eyes on his dumbbells. Maybe he could train with them for a little while. As long as he could do that while sitting, it should be okay.

But then he remembered what had happened last time when he had tried to train a little. Yes, this had been a bit different with the practice dummy and an office chair being included, but he still was a little cautious.

He of course could ask Donnie about the dumbbells, but this would mean he would have to get up and walk around the lair looking for Donnie, and he really didn't feel like doing that. Or maybe he could call out as loud as possible for Donnie. Or maybe not. This could put his family on alert, and that was another thing he didn't want to do.

So he could either sit around here and do nothing or get up and grab his crutches. He hated sitting around, but right now, he hated getting up just as well, so what should he do?

"Of course!" he called out and picked up his T-phone from the shelf, typing a text to Donnie.

_Think I can train with the dumbbells?_

The reply came almost immediately.

_As long as you stay in a sitting position and don't put weight onto your ankle, yes._

_Thanks Don!_

_Welcome!_

With a relieved sigh Raph placed the T-phone back on his shelf.

He then glanced over to his dumbbells again and realized that maybe he would have to get up to get them. Or maybe if he just leaned out of his bed wide enough, he would be able to grab them without really having to get up.

His bed was so nice and cozy, and he wanted to stay in bed as long as he could.

So he leaned out of his bed, supporting himself with his right hand while his left tried to reach his dumbbells.

_Just a little more, just a liiiiiiiittle more_, he thought while he stretched his arm, stretched his whole body a little more.

He realized too late that he overbalanced and his one arm couldn't support his weight any longer. He tried to break his fall by using his other hand for support, too, but it was too late already, and he landed on the floor with a loud thud.

_Greeeeeeat!_, he thought as he tried to move into a sitting position without setting his broken ankle on the floor, being super-cautious to not put any weight onto it. And he did a great job, until he hit his broken ankle in the support splint on the bed frame. This sent a jolt of pain through his body and made him cry out.

"What's wrong, Raph?" a voice asked and Raph found Leo standing in the door and looking at him worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm _not_ okay, Leo!" Raph called out as he finally managed to heave himself up onto his bed again. "This is all so stupid! Reading is stupid, lying around is stupid, training with my dumbbells is stupid! And the stupidest thing is my broken ankle!"

"Raph…," Leo started in a calm voice, but Raph interrupted him.

"Just leave me alone, Leo, will ya?"

Leo frowned at him, but he knew when it was okay to argue with Raph and when not, and today it was not. So he just nodded and left.

* * *

Before he was back in the living room, Donnie and Mikey came running to him.

"Leo, what happened?" Donnie asked. "We heard a loud noise and Raph crying out."

"Oh, that was Raph?" Mikey asked. "I thought some creepy monster had made it to the lair."

For a moment, Leo anticipated the whacking noise when Raph hit Mikey on the back of his head when he said something stupid, but then he remembered that Raph wasn't even there because Raph had a broken ankle and thought everything was stupid and was annoyed by all of this and…and…

He sighed. "Yes, this was Raph, Mikey."

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, okay."

"Now that this is resolved, would you mind telling us what happened?" Donnie asked again.

"Raph fell out of his bed, I think, and he somehow must have hurt his ankle. And now he's angry again."

Donnie shrugged. "Well, this is Raph. What did you expect him to do? Laugh?"

Leo sighed again. "It would have been a nice change."

"I better check if he's okay," Donnie said, but Leo blocked his way.

"Better not now, Donnie," he said. "Let him cool off first."

Donnie nodded.

And then they all walked to the living room.

But somehow Leo couldn't get the look on Raph's face out of his head. All this anger! But yes, he should have expected that. What he hadn't expected was that there seemed to be more to it, something he couldn't quite place.

And then it hit him. What he had seen in Raph's eyes had been despair. Of course Raph had to be a little desperate! He was used to hit people, to give Foot soldiers and Purple Dragons a proper beat down, to run, to jump, to compete with his brothers during training. So being forced to do nothing must be terrible for him. And boring.

Leo had known that beforehand, but only the hint of despair in Raph's eyes, had made him realize how much.

And then Leo made a decision. They needed to do something about this.

* * *

With a grumpy look on his face, Raph was walking to the living room on his crutches. Leo had told him that he should join them in the living room.

Raph had no idea what this was about. It was time for the evening patrol. Did Leo really want him to watch his brothers leave? Raph usually stayed in his room and read to distract himself from the fact that his brothers were leaving and he had no idea if they would come back, although a patrol usually wasn't as dangerous as a mission that led right into a Kraang-facility.

"Okay, Leo, what is it?" he asked, but then he stopped abruptly, as he realized what was going on in the living room.

His brothers were standing there together with April and Casey with big grins on their faces, the start screen of one Raph's favorite video games was on the TV, six game controllers were spread out on the couch, and a little table with pizza and pizza gyoza and drinks was prepared, too.

Raph blinked at the others.

"Surprise!" they all called out.

"What?" Raph asked with wide eyes. "It's not mutation day, you know."

"No, but we realized you've managed the first two weeks of your forced training pause without totally going insane, and we think that's pretty awesome!" Leo explained.

"Yeah, I was afraid you'd take apart the lair after three days," Mikey announced and rushed to his brother, patting his head gently. "But no, you did well, Raph!"

With an annoyed growl, Raph whipped Mikey's hand away, but there was a small smirk plastered to his face.

"Well, you managed one third, Raph," Donnie said.

"And that calls for a celebration!" Casey chimed in with a big grin. "We have pizza and pizza gyoza, and we are going to play video games in teams. And since you had so much time to practice, you'll have April in your team."

"Hey!" April called out.

"Sorry, Red," Casey said with a shrug. "But you're really bad at video games."

"I'll give you bad, Jones!"

"Bring it on, O'Neil!"

Raph choked a chuckle.

"Come on, April," he said then as he managed the last few steps over to the pit. "Let's teach Casey some manners."

"Alright!" April called out and when Raph had sat down on the couch, they high-fived/threed, and then they took their controllers.

The game was on!


	12. The Watcher

**Chapter 12: The Watcher**

Raph woke up the morning after his surprise party, and for the first time in what felt like ages, it was with a smile.

He pushed away his blanket and sat up, swinging his legs out of bed. He waited a moment to make sure the support splint was intact, then reached for his crutches.

And he did all of this with a smile!

Still smiling, he walked down the corridor on his crutches, something that had never happened before. Even when he had been in a rather good mood considering the circumstances, he had _never_ smiled while walking on his crutches.

And this unusual smile was still plastered to his face when he entered the kitchen and found all his brothers hunched over some blue prints on the kitchen table.

They looked up from their blue prints – and froze.

Raph was _smiling!?_

And not only that! Now he was even humming some random song as he opened a kitchen unit, balancing on his good leg, and took out a bowl. And the smile didn't even fade away when he realized that it was a rather bad idea to make breakfast while balancing on one leg. So he placed the bowl on the kitchen counter and turned to his brothers.

"Hey, Mikey," he addressed the youngest one. "Would you mind helping me with my breakfast?"

Mikey's jaw dropped, and it needed a nudge from Leo to make him snap back into reality.

"S-sure!" Mikey said quickly. "I'm right there, bro!"

And with that he rushed over to Raph, preparing his breakfast for him, while Raph just stood there, leaning on his crutches.

Donnie and Leo shared a look. This was so not Raph to ask for help. And it was even less Raph to do it in such a friendly voice.

And moments later Raph sat down at the kitchen table and Mikey placed a bowl of breakfast cereals in front of him.

"Thank you, Mikey!" Raph said, and the fact that his voice was totally lacking any super-friendliness that could be a hint of sarcasm, made Mikey's jaw drop again, but he managed to snap out of his trance all by himself this time and mumbled a quick "Welcome!" before he joined Donnie and Leo again.

Raph was munching away on his cereals, and his brothers were still staring at him – a fact that, if nothing else, would usually have made Raph turn furious.

But Raph just looked at them after a while.

"You okay?" he asked, and still, there wasn't the slightest bit of anger in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah, sure!"

"'Course!"

"Totally!"

Raph just nodded. But then he grinned at Mikey.

"Sooooooo, April and I gave you and Casey a proper dressing-down yesterday, didn't we?" he said. "Still have to send Casey a text about it." He chuckled.

"Heh, how were we supposed to know that you practiced so much recently, not even April could slow you down in this video game? And she was trying, like, really, really hard!" Mikey replied.

Raph just shrugged. "Practice makes perfect. And April did her best."

He could still remember the smile on April's face when they had beaten Casey and Mikey for the first time although she had managed to kill her character twice. He chuckled at the thought.

When he looked at his brothers they were staring at him with disbelieving looks on their faces.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiight," Leo said, and then the three of them turned back to the blue prints.

"So what are you up to?" Raph asked, craning his neck to peek at the blue prints. They looked like blue prints of a warehouse to him.

"Another Kraang facility," Leo explained without looking up. "But this one is tricky. I guess we are going to need April's and Casey's help." He was silent for a moment., but then he lifted his head and looked directly at Raph. "And maybe yours."

Raph's eyes widened. "Mine?"

Leo nodded. "Yes, Raph. I think we are going to need your help."

* * *

His task was pretty simple. It consisted of watching all the monitors on Donnie's station in the Shellraiser. They were linked to the building's security system. The good thing was that this time the Kraang were using the original security system. The Kraang didn't have the time to replace the security system in their new facility yet, so it still was human tech, not Kraang-y, and thus even easier for Donnie to hack. He had managed to hack into the security cameras in ten minutes, and now all the screens were showing what was going on inside.

And Raph was here to watch the screens, to look where the Kraang droids exactly were, to let his brothers and friends know if something unexpected popped up.

Raph's eyes darted from monitor to monitor, and he switched between several cameras to get as much info as possible. He was even watching the street with the help of (hacked) street cameras. Donnie hadn't even broken a sweat when he had hacked into them. Piece of cake.

_"__Is everyone on their position?"_ Leo asked over the radio.

Four voices outside and one inside the Shellraiser confirmed.

Raph quickly went through their positions in his head. It was Leo at the back of the building, Mikey and Donnie would go in from above, and Casey and April were covering the front door. Raph was there to watch over them, to make sure nothing went wrong.

And nothing would go wrong, he told himself. Definitely not! He was there and as long as he was watching and could warn them if he had to, nothing, absolutely nothing would go wrong.

_"__Then let's get this party started,"_ Leo said.

Again, five voices confirmed.

And Raph knew his brothers had started moving in. He couldn't see them on the cameras, not even a shadow, they were too good for this. He caught a glimpse of Casey though, before April dragged him back into the shadows, but everything was okay. The Kraang hadn't realized. There hadn't even been a Kraang close to them.

The others were moving in, and he was watching. It was his task, it was what he was supposed to do tonight.

He was the watcher.


End file.
